Are you meant to be a life coach?

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Welcome to Season four of Master Coach Mindset™. Hi, my name is Rhonda Britten and this Season I’m going to be opening up my archives and sharing the most popular questions I’ve received over the last two decades from coaches just like you. Whether it’s about the “Art of Coaching,” or addressing your Clients’ questions about relationships, career, or self. Plus, I will be answering the questions you have right now about your practice and your Clients. So go ahead and ask me anything at That’s right go visit and click on “Ask Rhonda Anything” and go ahead and ask.
In today’s Episode, I’ll be sharing my answers to your questions straight from my archives. The topic today, “The Art of Coaching.”

Rhonda: Hi, this is Rhonda, how can I support you?
Annie: Hi Rhonda.
Rhonda: Hey.
Annie: I’ve got a question about coaching.
Rhonda: Okay.
Annie: When you have a particularly resistant Client who you have a difficult time helping them to identify their trigger and core negative feelings, what are some of the questions that you ask?
Rhonda: Well one, Annie, you’re not in the coaching program are you?
Annie: I have just sent my application off on Friday.
Rhonda: Excellent. Well, we’re going to be learning all of these things in the coaching program because that’s a big question. And what I really want to answer is not how to get people through their Wheel of Fear, Wheel of Freedom because you’re going to learn that in the coaching program, and you’re going to be coming to the wheels weekend with me. Which, of course, we’ll learn more about, you know, learn more, all about the wheels. But I want to go back to the very first question, the start of your question. What do I do with a resisting Client?
Annie: Okay.
Rhonda: Because why would you have a resisting Client? Like what makes them resistant?
Annie: Unwillingness to-
Rhonda: Unwillingness? What do you mean unwillingness? Like how does that show up? Just so I get clear.
Annie: It shows up in terms of being very defensive, having all the answers, but not really going deep as far as really accessing their feelings.
Rhonda: Okay so are they ready for coaching?
Annie: Probably. Probably not.
Rhonda: Okay. So then why would you coach them?
Annie: Well, I guess I wouldn’t.
Rhonda: Yeah, I mean, one of the great things, and this is one of the things you’re going to learn the coaching program, Annie, because this is a challenge for all people. All, we call them PCs, Program Candidates for the Certified Fearless Living Coaching Program™. There’s a point where one of your Clients is resistant and now, one, you want to … Are they resistant because they’re afraid? Are they resistant because they’re really working through some deep stuff, and they really don’t know where to go, and maybe they don’t trust you yet? Or are they resistant because they’re just defensive and they really don’t want to hear what you have to say, and they just want their own opinion? So, you have to really ask yourself what that resistance looks like. And one of the greatest things and one of the things that CFLC’s (Certified Fearless Living Coaches) must learn to do, is actually fire a Client.
And what I mean by firing is actually letting the Client go. I worked with a Client, I’m thinking of one in particular, that I worked with for six months to move her into therapy because what she really needed was therapy. She didn’t need coaching. She needed therapy, but she was so afraid of therapists that she had to coach with me to get her into therapy. So what I’m hearing from your resistant Client is somebody whose defensive, really unwilling. Okay, and what do they want to change about their life?
Annie: Right. Well, as you say, they just may not be ready yet or they’re just totally in fear because it’s such a new concept that they haven’t broached it before. And therefore-
Rhonda: But why did they seek you out?
Annie: They sought me out because they knew that I was a fabulous Coach.
Rhonda: Okay, they knew you were fabulous Coach and so the minute they call you up that means they’re, they think they’re willing and ready.
Annie: Right.
Rhonda: And so what happened between the willing and readiness and the resistance?
Annie: What happened?
Rhonda: Yeah. How many Sessions have you had?
Annie: This has actually been to his Fearbuster group.
Rhonda: Okay. And what I always say is no wheels in Fearbuster groups.
Annie: Okay.
Rhonda: I mean, they do their own wheels but you don’t do their wheels.
Annie: Right. Right. Okay.
Rhonda: Because, that’s … because at that point it’s an FSW. You know, a Fearbuster group may or may not, depending on how long you been together, depending on … Depending on lots of things, I determine a person’s willingness to find their wheel.
Annie: Yeah. Okay.
Rhonda: So, that person may just be in a Fearbuster group because they’re on the edge, and they want to put their toe in, but they don’t really want their wheels, yet. They just kind of want to listen.
Annie: Yeah. Right.
Rhonda: And so is it okay for them to listen?
Annie: Sure.
Rhonda: Sure. Great. Have them listen.
Annie: Okay.
Rhonda: And so some people, especially in Fearbuster groups, will … Just like the weekends. Same thing happens to me in weekends, when I’m running a weekend as a facilitator. There’s a certain level of the class that really just wants to sit back and listen. They don’t really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really want to go there. They just kind of want to put their toe in, listen, participate at the least level. And then they think they’re going to process when they get home. And they will, to a certain extent. But they’ll take the weekend over when they’re ready. But they’ve gotten the information they need to start feeling comfortable. And that might be what this person needs.
Annie: Right. Okay. Okay, good.
Rhonda: Does that make sense?
Annie: It does.
Rhonda: Do you have any other questions regarding what you’ve asked me about right now?
Annie: Regarding resistance?
Rhonda: Resistance, Clients. Anything so far? Anything else? I just want to make sure you’re complete.
Annie: No, I don’t Rhonda.
Rhonda: Excellent, Annie. I appreciate your time.
Annie: Well, thank you very much.
Rhonda: And I’ll look forward to seeing your application.
Annie: I look forward to speaking with you further.
Rhonda: Excellent. Thank you very much. Have a great night.
Annie: Okay. Bye, bye.
Rhonda: Bye.
Rhonda: This is Rhonda, how can I support you?
April: Hi, I’m wondering what to do when you find out that you’re actually getting a lot bigger with your practice than you had planned on in a short amount of time?
Rhonda: Yes. Well first of all, celebrate. Wow.
April: I’ve done that.
Rhonda: Yeah. I mean, imagine that your coaching practice is moving faster or building faster than you imagined. I mean-
April: Yes, such complaint I should have.
Rhonda: Yeah, what a complaint to have. And what a great gift. What a great gift that you have a consciousness and the skill to actually attract this many people. One, it’s just a testament to you. So, just acknowledge yourself. Just acknowledge, acknowledge, acknowledge that you’re capable, that people want you, that you’re cared for this way, and looked to this way, and they look at you for guidance and coaching and support.
And then you get to say, okay, and do I want this? Now you can decide if this is what you really want. And maybe you put a bounty in place and maybe you have a waiting list for coaching.
April: Right. Well, I went ahead and raised my rates.
Rhonda: Excellent.
April: And everybody stayed. Which I thought I would lose like 10 of them. And I didn’t. In fact, I ended up getting more.
Rhonda: Yes. And that’s a fallacy. And that is the real fallacy that Coaches have, that they actually believe that the less they charge, the more Clients they have. In fact, my Client, my practice got bigger the more I charged. Because then it’s just assumed you’re a better Coach.
April: Right.
Rhonda: Oh my gosh, you’re charging more? You must be good. I’ve have you. So the question I have for you is do you want this many Clients? That’s the first question, yes or no?
April: Well, I sure don’t want 30.
Rhonda: Okay. So, you have 30-
April: I’d love to have exactly 15, and then I can still do the group things that I do.
Rhonda: Great. So the bottom line is, is there anybody just about to end? Or just about to leave?
April: Yes. They’re wanting to turn into from a three month contract into a six.
Rhonda: Great. Well, that’s fantastic. You’re going to have to decide who can go to every other week. Can you go to an every other week program for anybody? Can you go to a half hour with some Clients? Some of my Clients that have been working with me for a while, there’s no reason why we can’t be a half hour. You don’t need an hour when a Client is doing well, they’re getting it, and they just need that weekly refinement, weekly accountability program.
April: Right.
Rhonda: So, is there any Clients that you can think of that you can move to half hour programs? So that, in turn, would allow you to have two Clients per hour versus one.
April: Right.
Rhonda: Is that a possibility? I mean, I know that’s what I did, one of the things I did. Also, another thing that I did is move some people to every other week. And obviously, now you’re going to go on a waiting list.
April: Yeah. I decided that I’m going to have to do something like that because-
Rhonda: No, you get to do something like that. You don’t have … No. But you don’t have to, you get to. Oh my gosh, you get to have a waiting list.
April: I just said have to, didn’t I?
Rhonda: Yeah, that’s why I corrected you. You get to. Oh my God, isn’t that cool or what? You get to have a waiting list. How many Coaches have a waiting list?
April: I don’t know. I haven’t-
Rhonda: Like, none. Like, how cool is that? You could be the waiting list Coach. Another thing you could do is to say are there any Clients that you could really … That could really be better served with somebody else that you could refer out?
April: Right. Well, my practice is actually like four months old. So, I haven’t been introduced to any local Coaches. I did join some memberships and stuff. So, I’ve been checking into that for a few of my coaching, basically because they want to do the one-on-one in person. And I tried to explain to them that most of the Coaches do it over the phone regardless whether they’re in the same town or not.
Rhonda: Yes, correct. And so you get to educate them that the power of the phone actually makes us better Coaches. They have a fallacy that in person will make you a better Coach. That’s a fallacy.
April: Right.
Rhonda: Yeah. So, do you know how to say no?
April: Yes, I do.
Rhonda: Excellent. So, did you always know that you wanted 15 Clients?
April: No. In the beginning I thought 20 would be perfect.
Rhonda: So, then if 20 was perfect, how’d you get to 30?
April: They kept coming.
Rhonda: So you didn’t put boundaries in place and just get a waiting list going and say, “No, I’m not taking new Clients, but I’ll be more than happy to take you-“
April: I had the thought process that 30’s better than 20.
Rhonda: Oh. Okay. So you didn’t think of … Right. And you know what, that’s fine because it’s your first time practice and so you’re just checking it out. You’re just kind of building your muscles.
April: Right. And I didn’t really expect that my speaking engagements would be coming up so often. I didn’t expect … I didn’t even think that this was even possible that my practice could take off like this.
Rhonda: Yes. Yes. Yes. Isn’t it lovely? Isn’t it lovely? I mean, this is just an affirmation for you, a validation that the things that you dream or the things that you want are possible and that they do come true. So, this is just the first step in your evolution as somebody who self-expresses.
April: I know that I definitely am on the right path.
Rhonda: Okay, so what is it that I can help you with because I’ve given you a bunch of suggestions. I supported you in boundaries. And now what answer are you looking for?
April: I’m not sure. That’s a good question. I think what I needed to hear was that those boundaries are still okay to put in because that’s been my big thing through my whole journey were these boundaries.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it’s really up to you whether you work with these 30 Clients. And then they slowly drop off because they just do. That’s what they do. Some people … I have Clients that I worked with for a year and a half and they’re calling me once or twice a year for a Session. Which is great to have. It’s great to have a base of Clients that come to you for one or two Sessions occasionally because it’s just, it’s a nice favor for you, an acknowledgment for you. Just nice to have these people coming back into your life and seeing their growth and transformation. So it’s really a question of whether, right now, you want to move forward with these 30 Clients to the best you can. Just kind of barrel through it for the next three months until they start dropping off. And then keep your boundary at 20.
April: Well, I just had a thought. Maybe I could approach them and offer them a new program where they call me when they need me as opposed to-
Rhonda: Well, I would do that maybe with the Clients that you’ve been with … That have been with you longer. And I know that you’ve only had, been four months. But the ones that have been with you a couple months. I wouldn’t offer that in the beginning because it’s more … Then you’re a crisis Coach. And you could be a crisis Coach. That could be something you want to do, maybe. But they’re really not going to have a lot of opportunities to build skills.
April: Right.
Rhonda: But people who have been with you now for a few months, two-three months, maybe the next three months you say it’s a half hour.
April: Right. Well, ironically I don’t even stay on with them for a whole hour.
Rhonda: That’s pretty good.
April: And so …
Rhonda: Then make it a half hour. Then just start to better help your coaching become clearer, and crisper, and laser focused. And then they’ll be clearer because they only have a half hour. So anyone who wants to renew past the three months, you move to half hours. That will support you in probably taking off some of this … a little bit of time off you. And then supporting them so they’re not completely lost, but that they get coaching. But that it supports you in having more time.
April: Right. Okay. Okay, good. I’ve got a different picture of what it can look like then.
Rhonda: Bottom line, it’s your practice and you get to do whatever you want. And isn’t that cool?
April: Yes.
Rhonda: There’s no rules.
April: My husband was saying, “I can’t believe you’re going to call her because your practice is growing too fast.”
Rhonda: But that’s the coolest thing. That’s the coolest thing because people have fallacy that “oh, if I was a success, my problems would be solved.” Honey, when you’re successful you just have a whole new set of problems. It is an opportunity for you to grow different ways. Now you get to grow. You said an issue with boundaries for a long time? Great. Now you get to solve boundaries. Boundaries are going to be in your face. You don’t have a problem with boundaries if you don’t have Clients, right?
April: Right. Right.
Rhonda: But you got to do boundaries if you’ve got Clients.
April: And here I thought I set those boundaries.
Rhonda: Yes.
April: Yeah. I almost hit that wall. I’m going above 20 now. I’m way ahead of what I thought.
Rhonda: Yes. Yes. And again, it’s just a testament to how well you’re doing and how your consciousness is improving and expanding and growing and therefore, you’re attracting these Clients. So just really honor, honor, honor this time where it’s like, yes, I did this. I did this. You did this, okay? You did this, April. You did it. You got these 30 Clients. Nobody else gave them to you for presents. You did this. You attracted them. Few Coaches, few Coaches can say they have 30 Clients within four months. Okay. I don’t know another Coach that could. It took me … I had two Clients for six months. At the six month mark is when I got my 20, when I had your problem. But it took me six. It didn’t take me four. So, just know that this is an opportunity for you to go, okay now I want to recreate my practice. Maybe you want to work with certain types of people. Maybe you want-
April: That’s the other thing is, I thought my niche was one thing but I’m finding that the people who are hiring me are completely opposite of what I thought my niche was.
Rhonda: What did you think your niche was?
April: I thought my niche was relationships with your children. And it’s coming out to be relationships with a spouse or-
Rhonda: But isn’t that all-
April: Ones who have … They’re into actually discovering what they want in-
Rhonda: But isn’t that all the same? Isn’t that all about love?
April: Yeah. Yeah.
Rhonda: Isn’t it all about love and boundaries and worth?
April: Yeah. Yeah it is.
Rhonda: Isn’t that cool, then?
April: Yes. But I just thought it was very neat to watch a certain niche kind of form for me.
Rhonda: Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. So anything else that I can support you with or serve you with? Or are you clear? Or as clear as you can be right now?
April: I am clear as I can be at this very moment, yes.
Rhonda: And you know what, it might be just the fact that the next three months you have to barrel through and really stretch as a Coach. And then, now you know your boundary of 20. And that’s what you do from now on. And you literally put people on a waiting list. And you meet other Coaches to refer. And get on my website Look at the coaches there. Talk to them, interview them. Everybody has a free Session, as you know. Get on and do a free Session with them or interview them and just say, okay do you do them in person? Does that make sense?
April: Yes, it does.
Rhonda: All right. Anything else, Ms. April?
April: Yes. I’m in the Pittsburgh area. And we need you on back at one o’clock.
Rhonda: That’s your station. You call your station.
April: Oh, I have been. Believe me, I have been. It’s been crazy.
Rhonda: Okay.
April: They know me by name now too.
Rhonda: Excellent. Well just get a writing group. Get on the message boards at Starting Over and get everybody doing it.
April: Yeah. Yeah, I definitely … I’m starting a little petition for it because-
Rhonda: Excellent. All right, my friend. Good work. Thank you April.
April: All right. Thank you.
Rhonda: You’re welcome. Bye, bye.
Rhonda: How can I support you?
Speaker 5: Yes, I understand the reasons why one wouldn’t coach family or friends. Yet if I wanted to do that, what would be some tips to go about it? Coaching with the familiarity?
Rhonda: Well, a couple things. One is, have they asked you for coaching?
Speaker 5: Yes.
Rhonda: Okay, so they’ve asked you for coaching. So, do you believe that they really want coaching? Or do they want you to agree?
Speaker 5: I believe that they want me to coach them.
Rhonda: Great. So, you have an invitation to coach. And so, what I invite you do is to keep it to a certain [inaudible 00:19:25 of time. You can do a couple things. One is you can actually set an appointment. When I have friends that want coaching, I literally set an appointment and depending on what level of friendship they are, they actually pay me. Or they actually tithe me. Now, my very, very dear, dear closest, closest friends, of course, I don’t charge. But the people that are kind of on the peripheral, I absolutely charge and or they can tithe me. They can give me whatever they deem it’s worth if you don’t feel like you can actually ask for money. So, that’s a way to do that.
Rhonda: Same with friends. Excuse me, same with family. If they’re not your immediate, immediate family, and they’re on the outskirts or cousins or aunts and you feel like it would be most appropriate for you to be seen as a coach, then paying is appropriate. So, one, you have to determine that. And again, if they’re not really, really, really close, I invite you to get some sort of payment so they see you as a professional. because that’s the first thing that I invite you to look at is usually with friends and family, they see you as, oh, little Debbie and they don’t see you as a coach. They don’t see you as a certified Fearless Living Coach. They see you as little Debbie. So, in order to set an appointment time, it immediately puts you in professionalism. So, that’s the first thing I invite you to do.
Rhonda: The second thing I invite you to do is absolutely know that [inaudible 00:20:40 where they’re boundaries are, meaning are you going to get into personal things that maybe they’re not really wanting to talk about. What I invite you to do is stay focused on the challenge at hand, focused on what exactly they want coaching on. So, you may only coach for 15, 20 minutes. That’s fine. And let them take it and ask them how did it serve them. And ask them to come up with some reasons that it worked for them or what they’re going to do. Ask them for the next step. And then really drop it and invite them and tell them that they’re responsible for coming to you if they want to continue the relationship. But that this is confidential and you won’t talk about this or bring it up when you see them unless they come to you. So get really clear boundaries so that they feel comfortable so that they can tell you the truth. Does that make sense?
Speaker 5: Yes it does.
Rhonda: Otherwise, they’re Clients. They’re just a Client.
Speaker 5: Right.
Rhonda: Are you complete? Do you need anything else on that?
Speaker 5: Yeah. No, that’s fine. That’s great. Thanks.
Rhonda: Okay great. Thanks.
Rhonda: Hey, Elizabeth. How can I support you today?
Elizabeth: Rhonda, you do such an excellent job of being grounded and it seems like you’re always really connected with your spirit. And I just wonder, as I go into a speaking career, I’m a coach, and I want to be there all the time with my Clients and in my personal life. I’m going through a divorce. It’s a wonderful opportunity for me to grow with this because I’m having to constantly getting myself in the flow. And I just wonder what do you to remind yourself what … Do you have any kind of techniques that you use just to pull yourself back in there?
Rhonda: Well, you ask a very insightful question because speaking and coaching, especially as you get more and more public, is very seductive. And what I call your wheel of fear definitely wants to be seduced. And definitely wants your ego then to take over because it almost feels like the ego needs to take over because you must be powerful and you must stand for yourself and all these wonderful terms we use in a positive way, but in this way can be used destructively.
Rhonda: One of the things that I really focus on in order to support myself is making sure … I’m going to give you a couple things that are on the top of my head. One is, it’s not about me. Its never about me. I’m always there to serve and I’m always there for them. Another thing, I’m really clear that this work that I do is bigger than me because again, that one supports me again in knowing that it’s not about me.
Rhonda: Next is, I’m very clear that my job is to take care of me so that I can do the work necessary that has been given me. And I’m very clear that it is my charge and it is my purpose and my passion because it has been gifted to me. And due to all my hard work and my opening and willingness and all that stuff, but it, nonetheless, is an extraordinary … Something extraordinary has been given to me. And therefore, I want to honor that.
Rhonda: Is this making sense Elizabeth?
Elizabeth: It totally makes sense. And as you’re speaking, I’m feeling in that place right now. I’ve moved into a spot that I feel like I really get it. That I do have a lot to give, but what I … But it’s not even about giving. About just being, not really giving. I’m saying as being a conduit. I see myself as a conduit. But are there … If you’re in the middle of talking and you start to feel yourself … Do you ever still, feel yourself like you’re starting to judge your words or filtering and you feel like something’s getting a little stuck? Do you have things that you can do?
Rhonda: Well, two things. One is I have learned over the course of these last eight years, to trust myself implicitly. Meaning that when I open my mouth, no matter what I say, I trust that it’s the thing that needs to be heard. So, in order to learn the no judgment, because what I have seen in my Clients, they say a question about A. I answer about C. And it works. So, one is, I’ve learned to follow my intuition, to trust, really, my inner guidance and to move with it. Next, there’s definitely times I get hooked. Definitely times. I’ll be speaking or I’ll be coaching and somebody bugs me. You know what I mean?
Elizabeth: Oh, yeah.
Rhonda: Like somebody bugs me. Not them. It’s from me, within. And I recognize that, okay somebody’s bugging me or something’s bugging me. I will … Isn’t it funny that I’ll speak the truth to them? If it’s appropriate, there’s ways that sometimes I can do that. But usually I don’t because its really not about them. It’s about me. In that moment it’s all about be because I’m stuck in my stuff. So in that moment, I get very, very present with the person. And it’s almost like I take my attention … I focus off of myself. because if I’m in my stuff and somebody’s bugging me, I’m over here inside of me. I’m over here. So, I’m going to stop. I might take a drink. I might take a breath. I might ask them to say it differently if they’re asking me questions. I might …
Rhonda: I have been on stage and forgotten the next thing I was going to say. Literally forgotten what I was going to say. Like, just went blank. And I will walk across the stage, very meaningful … And everyone’s like, oh my God, what’s she going to say. And I literally have done that because I have literally forgotten. And I’m giving myself … I’m making a move to keep their attention. Yet, on the other hand, I’m gathering myself up to … Gathering myself together in order to speak. If I still don’t know what I’m doing after I’ve crossed the stage, I will literally look at the audience and go, “Who could tell me what I was just talking about?” Or I’ll say, “What have you heard just now?” In order to engage them and help to remind me what it is that I was talking about.
Elizabeth: That’s a great move.
Rhonda: And it works. Because they don’t need to know … And sometimes I’ll be blank and I’ll go, “Okay what was I talking about? I forgot.” Depending on the intimacy of the room and the freedom in the room and what group I’m talking to, whether it’s appropriate or not to do that. But usually me just asking, “Okay, who can tell me what I was just talking about? What did you get out of it?” “Well, Rhonda you were talking about acknowledgments.” Oh yeah. That’s what I was talking about.
Elizabeth: That’s great.
Rhonda: Another thing that I do is I very much detach. And this is something that needs … It’s a learned skill. Definitely detach from the audience’s response.
Elizabeth: Yeah.
Rhonda: I have learned that an audience can dramatically change their lives while I’m speaking, yet they’ll look at me like they’re bored out of their mind. So, to detach and focus on the people that are smiling. Focus on the feedback that I get that’s positive. I don’t need to, for the most part, listen or hear negative feedback. I already know where I need to improve. And especially if it’s in a way that doesn’t support me, I just won’t read it. If I start reading it and I feel disempowered, I’ll put it aside until I’m in a space where I can really read it or I’ll ask someone to read it for me and to interpret. So I don’t get polluted by other people’s fears. Is this supporting you?
Elizabeth: It really is. It really is.
Rhonda: And how is it supporting you?
Elizabeth: I’m hearing ways that you’re able to take a moment to get centered and that can work anywhere.
Rhonda: Absolutely. And before I get on stage, I always release it. This isn’t about me, this is about them. I’m here to be a conduit. I’m here to be a service. I’m just speaking what I know and if it resonates within them, I’ve done my job. And if it doesn’t, it means that they’re not, at this point, ready to be resonated and therefore, that’s fine. It’s almost like I don’t make it my fault. Do you hear what I’m saying?
Elizabeth: Right. You have a message and they can receive it or not.
Rhonda: Yeah. For short.
Elizabeth: And that’s like with coaching too, just letting go … I see letting go of any attachment to-
Rhonda: Absolutely.
Elizabeth: … to what they’re … To wanting to please them. This has been a wonderful opportunity for me to experience that. And I like the fact that you mentioned take a drink of water, just be quiet. It’s about giving … I think giving myself permission, if I’m in a personal relationship conversation or a coaching call or on stage, that it’s okay to say-
Rhonda: No hurry.
Elizabeth: … I need a minute. I remember Thomas Leonard did that a lot too. He would say give me a minute.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Elizabeth: And he would just pause.
Rhonda: And I don’t necessarily say give me a minute. I would do it in way-
Elizabeth: You have a different style.
Rhonda: Exactly.
Elizabeth: But it’s about giving that space to yourself and that’s very helpful.
Rhonda: Anything else I can serve you about this? Any other way that I can serve you?
Elizabeth: I think that’s good. I guess the personal relationship thing is the toughest, but that’s where I’m learning the most.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Elizabeth: And that’s where I know I’ll polish this skill, particularly right now in the next week or so. But I really appreciate your sharing your thoughts on it.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Excellent.
Elizabeth: Thank you.
Rhonda: Thank you Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: Thanks.
Rhonda: How can I serve you today?
Speaker 7: Hi, I was wondering how you actually came to cultivate your public speaking skills?
Rhonda: Great question. One of the key things that I believe was instrumental in my particular skills as a public speaker is improv. I really see improv as a necessary ingredient in order to be a really great speaker. And I say that for a couple reasons. One is because improv is spontaneous. And if you’re able to be spontaneous in front of a crowd, one it’s obviously more in the present moment. Two, obviously more spontaneous. And three, they feel like they’re talking to you. It’s more personal. And another reason to do it is because it’s so spontaneous, you really learn to get out of your head. And you quit judging yourself. And you get quit determining, oh should I say that? Should I not say that? And descriptive and become so valuable because you start trusting yourself. Which is really the benefit of improv. You really learn to trust yourself.
Rhonda: And so public speaking, improv classes. Anything else regarding that?
Speaker 7: Great. Well, what kind of advice do you have for somebody who’s just starting to do public speaking?
Rhonda: What I invite you to do is consider the first two years as you’re going to speak for free. Now that may or may not be true. And if you’re not willing … This is my motto. If you’re not willing to speak for free for two years, that’s what I did and I actually speak for free more. And still speak for free occasionally for nonprofits and such. If you’re not willing to speak for free, then you don’t really want to speak. What you want to do is earn money. Well, you can do a lot of other things to earn money. But if you really want to speak, if you really have a message, you really feel compelled to do it, then I spoke everywhere. I mean, I spoke at Client’s clubs, optimists clubs, chamber of commerce’s, any place that I could speak.
Rhonda: Now, this is one way that I was starting to make money when I spoke for free. I taped, I tape recorded every conversation, every talk I gave and I started to produce product, tapes and CDs, based on the better speeches, based on the better talks. And so then, not only was I giving a quote unquote free talk, I was always also having products for them to purchase, which means that I would go to a free event and end up making $500, $1000, $2000, $3000. I mean at the height of my free public speaking, I was making anywhere between $10 to $20,000 a month on products.
Speaker 7: Wow.
Rhonda: So that’s what I invite you to do so you’re speaking for free. You’re learning your skills. You’re taping every talk so you can practice, practice, practice. Get better. Get better. Sell those tapes. Don’t think … And you’ll put on the tapes live, so they know it’s not perfect in the studio, it’s live. And therefore, that allows you to have those glitches, per se.
Speaker 7: Ah, gotcha.
Rhonda: Does that support you?
Speaker 7: Yes it does.
Rhonda: Great. Any other questions regarding this? Are you complete?
Speaker 7: Actually I have something I hope that’s similar to this.
Rhonda: Great.
Speaker 7: How do you … You said you spoke for free for two years?
Rhonda: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Speaker 7: How do you know that what you have to say has any merit?
Rhonda: Well that’s a question of self-worth. Anybody can talk about anything. I can go and talk to a group about envelopes or paper or pens. And the right group will want to hear me talk. So, do you feel compelled that you feel like this is something that’s a gift or something that you want to get better at yourself, maybe. Maybe not even a gift. Maybe you don’t even know it’s a gift. Maybe it’s just something you want to get better at yourself or something you want to learn. Or let’s just say none of those things. And let’s just say, I want to be a speaker and I don’t know if my message is any good. You know what? The audience will hone you down.
Rhonda: And that’s one of the thing, the great gift of audience. The audience will ask you questions and you will start learning what they want, what they want to hear based on your quote unquote topic. They will start asking questions and that’s why it’s really clear to be interactive. Really clear to stay after and talk to them about, oh so what works for you? What supported you? Have evaluation. Have an evaluation there. What was the most valuable thing you got out of it? How you going to take this away and use this in your life? In those … In that evaluation, and in that talking, and in those tapes, and in those questions, your conversation will get honed down.
Rhonda: So, don’t think you have to have the best topic or the secret topic or the magic topic. Just start talking and you will … Those things will come to you.
Speaker 7: Great.
Rhonda: Does that make sense?
Speaker 7: Yes, it does.
Rhonda: Great. Are you complete?
Speaker 7: Yes I am. Great.
Rhonda: Thank you.
Speaker 7: Thanks.
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