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Welcome to Season Four of Master Coach Mindset™. Hi, my name is Rhonda Britten, and this Season I will be opening up my archives and sharing the most popular questions I’ve received over the last two decades from Coaches just like you. Whether it’s about the “Art of Coaching” or addressing your Clients’ questions about relationships, career, and self. I know that this will be valuable to you in your practice. Plus, I will be answering your questions that you have right now about your practice and your Clients. Feel free to ask me anything at MasterCoachMindset.com. Don’t hold back. Ask me anything. In today’s Episode I will be sharing my answers to your questions straight from my archives. The topic today: Your Client and Career.
Rhonda: Hi. This is Rhonda. How can I support you?
Michelle: Okay, Rhonda. I recently received my Master’s in counseling, and I’m also a full-time-
Rhonda: Yes. Congratulations.
Michelle: Why, thank you very much. I’m also a full-time teacher, and I want to pursue that, not a teacher, but to be a full-time therapist, Life Coach, and I fear-
Rhonda: Well, therapist and Life Coach are very different.
Michelle: Absolutely. I’ve recently discovered that. So, since I have the counseling background, I want to now pursue doing the Fearless Living® coaching process. So, my question is … I fear leaving the stability of a teaching job, so I want to know how I can get through this or past this.
Rhonda: Well, I don’t know why you would have to. The great thing about teaching is … Do you work September through June?
Rhonda: Well, how fantastic is that? I mean, you have the luxury that some people never have, is that they have three months to actually devote to something, not that you’re not busy with other things, of course, not that you don’t have your own life, but the fact is the great thing about coaching is you can do it. That’s what I love about coaching. You don’t have to shift your life dramatically in order to become a Coach. What you’re going to do is you’re going to train part-time, and yes, if you want to go to an accelerated rate, you’re going to go faster. For instance, if you’re going to come to the weekend in the next month then go to Fearless Conversations™ quickly, and then start your process with coaching, fantastic.
Summer’s coming up. Do it now. Start the bulk of your program so you can get as much done as you can. But you don’t need to quit being a teacher in order to become a coach. In actuality, if I was your Coach, which I am in this moment, I would tell you not to. I would tell you to actually be your teacher, and actually start the coaching program, and as you’re in the coaching program, part of it, the Fearless Living coaching program, is you actually start getting Clients. So, by a year from now, you could actually have a thriving practice, and then make a decision whether you want to leave teaching behind.
In actuality, if you are working, like my sister does, 7:00 to 3:00, and you love teaching … I’m not saying whether you love it or not love it, but let’s say if you love teaching, you could always teach and coach on the side. I mean, you could have almost a full-time practice, depending on how many hours you want to work. So, I would suggest, as a Coach and as your Coach in this moment, is no, don’t need to change, don’t need to give up teaching. I would encourage you to do both so you really know what it’s like for everyone else that you’re going to be coaching. You know what I mean?
Michelle: Yeah, I do.
Rhonda: Because people can’t leave their life to start their life over, 99.9999% of us.
Michelle: Good point.
Rhonda: So, what else do you want to ask me about this? Is there something you’re not asking?
Michelle: Well, no, not right off the bat. I just have a tendency to want to tackle new things, and I think after seven years … This is my seventh year teaching, and I’m just getting kind of bogged down in the politics of things. So I don’t feel I’m being as … What’s the word I’m looking for? I don’t feel like I’m being as effective as I can be because of-
Rhonda: So, isn’t that a wonderful lesson. How are you going to learn to become more effective? Because if you can’t deal with the politics of teaching and actually rise above it and become a great teacher, how are you going to get beyond the minutia or the ins and outs of the marketing, or whatever you want to call it, of coaching? This is actually the perfect place for you. Politics in teaching, I get it. I have a sister that’s a teacher, so I hear all about the politics. Trust me, I totally get it. The bottom line is you can you still be a very, very effective teacher, and yes, can you do every single thing you want? No, and you know what? Neither can I on starting over. Neither can I if my Client isn’t willing to go there.
Rhonda: So, there’s something called patience. There’s something called trust. There’s something called timing. Those are all things that you could actually learn over the next year, and actually use the next year, use the next year and say to yourself, “Okay. I am not making a decision about teaching until a year from today,” or let’s just make up a thing, “a year from today, and over the next year, I’m going to practice patience, trust, openness, a willing to invest, things of that sort, while I’m going through the coaching program,” and you’ll know very quickly what you want to do and how you want to do it. But the teaching thing you’re in right now is a perfect opportunity to practice your coaching skills.
Michelle: Okay. Now, I see that, because I just graduated with a counseling degree, so I see that. I think that I get overwhelmed because I have so many students, and I really … That’s where the feeling ineffective is, because just as I get invested with one, then oops, then the time’s up, and then here comes the other set of 30, so-
Rhonda: Now, how do you think I feel?
Michelle: Good point.
Rhonda: No. I mean, think about it, Michelle.
Rhonda: I mean, today I talked. I was starting off a tour in America. I had 650 people there. There was a line two hours long for autographs.
Michelle: God. Okay.
Rhonda: Everybody wanting to ask me questions. Some are crying, wanting autographs, and everybody thinks I’m the answer to their problems. Am I? No. Really, I’m not the answer to their problems. Right?
Rhonda: Who’s the answer to their problems?
Michelle: Well, they are.
Rhonda: Exactly. So, what about the same with your students? Yes, you want to give them help and support, obviously, and empower them, but more importantly, you want to set up exactly what we do in coaching. You want to set up support groups. You want to set up mentoring. You want to set up places that they can get support, and you’re not the only answer there is.
Michelle: Got it. So, I take myself out of the picture by allowing them to have the support they need.
Rhonda: Yeah. I mean, that’s why I created the Fearless Living Institute™, that there’s all this support, and so when people say to me, “Rhonda, I have to have you as my coach,” I look at them, and I go, “Well, I don’t coach.” So, I dash their hopes right away. Right? I don’t sit there and go, “Oh, maybe I can coach you.” No, I’m not coaching you. Hello? Not going to happen. Right? So, now what are you going to do? Now that the answer to your problems is unavailable, now what are you going to do? That’s a big moment, right?
Michelle: Yeah, absolutely.
Rhonda: Right? So, oh, the answer to your problems isn’t going to help you. Now what? Are you going to give up because the answer to your problems you supposedly made up? Is it now you’re hopeless, or are there other answers? So, one is … What is ages of students do you work with?
Michelle: 15 and 16. I teach 10th grade.
Rhonda: Okay, fabulous. That’s exactly what my sister teaches. She’s 10th, 11th, and 12th, actually. They’re at a very vulnerable point, and what you get to teach them is to really empower themselves.
Rhonda: I mean, yes, you want to give them the skills and tools. Don’t get me wrong.
Michelle: Sure. Oh, absolutely.
Rhonda: Yes, you want to keep a tight classroom. I mean, I understand how … I’ve been in those classrooms. I know how … Well, let’s just say when I was growing up, classrooms weren’t like that.
Michelle: Right. Same with me.
Rhonda: I mean, when I was in class, you didn’t talk when the teacher was talking.
Michelle: No, ever.
Rhonda: Yeah, and when I’m in my sister’s class, they’re talking, they’re eating, they’re … I’m going, “What’s going on here?” Right? I’m shocked. What’s happening? Right? How is anybody learning? But the fact is it’s a function of the teacher in front of the room. It’s a function of your rules in the house. It’s your function of how you want to run that class. Well, think of it as a Fearbuster group, every hour on the hour.
Michelle: God, perfect.
Rhonda: So, don’t make your politics your excuse to get out, because then that will always become your reason to get out of whatever you need to get out of.
Michelle: Oh, okay.
Rhonda: Let’s say you joined the Fearless Living Institute. Well, there’s politics in Fearless Living Institute. This coach doesn’t like Rhonda. This other coach loves Rhonda. This coach is doing …
Michelle: The drama.
Rhonda: Then all of a sudden, you’ll be like, “I can’t be effective here.” Okay?
Rhonda: Are you with me?
Michelle: Yeah, I am. It’s scary because I’ve used that as an excuse lately, as the politics. I’m like, I’m just done. The kids aren’t getting what they need. I’m in Florida, and we have this specific test they have to pass no matter what, and if they don’t, they fail.
Rhonda: Yeah, same as Virginia.
Michelle: Yeah. So, I get frustrated because I pick up on the frustrations the kids are feeling, and-
Rhonda: Oh. So, how are you ever going to coach if you’re picking up and taking on the feelings of your Clients?
Michelle: Oh. See, that’s a great question because I feel like I do that as a counselor very … I don’t do that. I’m very clear with my boundaries, but with my students, I’m completely different. I feel as I am.
Rhonda: Oh, okay. So, that would be why?
Michelle: Yeah. I haven’t thought of that.
Rhonda: I mean, one thing is to have … There’s a great skill to have compassion for somebody, to have understanding, but you still don’t cross the boundary. You still don’t get all wrapped up in their world. I mean, yes, they’re younger, so it feels more vulnerable, and you want to take them under your wing, and you want to take care of them because they’re young, but that’s not your job. Your job is to empower them, support them, have compassion for them, but not to take on their feelings and fears. So, who’s teaching who?
Michelle: You know what? I’ve thought of that before. I’ve thought, am I the teacher her, or am I the adult in the room, is a better word to say. Oh, good question.
Rhonda: So, what’s the answer to your question that you asked me, Michelle?
Michelle: Which one would that be?
Rhonda: The very first one.
Michelle: How do I gain more stability in my counseling career, as opposed to what I have now in my teaching job? Is that the question you’re referring to?
Rhonda: Well, that’s not the question you asked me. That’s a different question.
Rhonda: It was a completely different question. No, you asked me how you can get in the coaching program and be fully in coaching when you’re teaching, and you’re afraid to leave the teaching.
Michelle: Gotcha. That would be-
Rhonda: So, what’s the answer?
Michelle: Well, I actually want to do both. I really do want to do both because I have such a passion for teaching, and I do have … I think there’s a lot of learning left for me to do there, and a lot of giving.
Rhonda: One thing you can do is if you’re going to be entering the coaching program … Have you had your six sessions yet with a Coach?
Michelle: I’ve had three.
Rhonda: With who?
Michelle: I’ve had Shelly Lynch. Do you know who she is?
Rhonda: Shelly Lynch? No.
Michelle: Okay. She’s here in-
Rhonda: Is she one of my coaches?
Michelle: You know what? Honestly, I don’t know. I thought she was. I’m going to have to double check that.
Rhonda: No. Shelly Lynch isn’t one of my coaches, so in order to get into the coaching program with me, you have to be with a CFLC.
Michelle: Right, okay.
Rhonda: So, if you’re going to have your six sessions, what you might want to do is contact Cindy [Ball 00:12:08.
Rhonda: Cindy Ball’s one of our Coaches, and she’s a teacher.
Michelle: Oh, excellent.
Rhonda: You might want to get some coaching about teaching and coaching.
Michelle: Gotcha. Okay.
Rhonda: Does that make sense?
Michelle: Mm-hmm. Absolutely.
Rhonda: You might want to get some support on that.
Michelle: Okay. I gotcha.
Rhonda: Anything else regarding this question, Michelle?
Michelle: No. I feel pretty clear, actually, now-
Michelle: … as opposed to calling before. I was very confused. Isn’t that interesting?
Rhonda: Isn’t it fascinating? You can do this for people, too, and you can do this for your students right now in school. By just asking a few well-placed questions, you can change their life.
Michelle: Ultimately, that’s what I want to do.
Rhonda: Excellent. Well, then you have to work on yours.
Michelle: Absolutely. Oh, I have no faults about that. I have no problems whatsoever working on my own stuff.
Rhonda: All right. Well, congratulations, Michelle. Thank you. If you have nothing else …
Michelle: That’ll do it.
Rhonda: All right. Thank you so much.
Michelle: Thanks, Rhonda.
Rhonda: You’re welcome.
Rhonda: Hey, Eva. How can I support you?
Eva: Okay. I have a burning desire to own a recycling plastic business. My fear is not having the street savvy that it takes, because sometimes you find underground illegal activities in this area, and I worry about losing my financial security.
Rhonda: Okay. So, what does security look like to you?
Eva: The funds that I have, they will take me through the retirement years.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm, and you’re wanting to take some of those to invest in this company?
Eva: Yes, yes.
Rhonda: Okay. So, what you’re doing is you are giving up your security blanket.
Rhonda: You’re saying on one hand you want to, but on the other hand, you don’t.
Rhonda: So, which is it?
Eva: I want to because this urge that I have had for years, that it’s just … I’ve never done anything with it, and I have an opportunity to … I am available. I’m 61. I’m still kind of with a lot of energy.
Rhonda: Do you have experience in this area?
Eva: No, I do not.
Rhonda: Okay. So, have you ever worked for a company like this?
Eva: No, I have not.
Rhonda: Okay. Would you be willing to go in as an employee to learn the ropes?
Rhonda: Okay. So, I understand that you want to own it, and you have the financial means to do it. So, not that you want to kind of bide your time, but the thing is, because your concern is street savvy, do you have the smarts or do you have the ability … Well, obviously with your desire and urge, I’m sure that you do have the ability, but what you need is to build your confidence, and how you’re going to do that is actually do practical experience. So, whatever experience you have in the working world right now, can you go into that arena, whether it’s as a marketing rep, or a sales rep, or an administrative assistant, or reception, whatever it is, and work in that arena?
To a certain extent, your job while you’re there is to do the job that you’re obviously employed at, but also, you’re a secret agent. You are going to suss everybody out. You’re not going to think of authorities, or who’s on top, or who’s on bottom, because you’re going to find out what every single person does in that company, and you’re going to be a secret agent, and you’re going to kind of start building your company in your mind and on paper based on what you’re learning while you’re working in this other company.
Rhonda: Does that make sense?
Rhonda: Then you’re going to see the pitfalls, and you’re going to see the challenges. You’re going to hear the gossip.
Rhonda: Now, you’re not going to tell anybody that you want to own your own company-
Rhonda: … because then they might not tell you anything.
Eva: That’s right. That’s right.
Rhonda: So, your job, again, is to be a secret agent, like you just love it, and you just want to become the best, and you’re just going to learn as much as you can.
Rhonda: That will support you in eliminating your fear about your street savviness.
Eva: Very good.
Rhonda: Also, when you’re ready to actually open your business, or just to leave this job and start your own company, I would really invite you to work with a financial planner or somebody in the money area so that you can feel that the money that you don’t use is safe, and cared for, and appreciated, and loved, and honored, so then you can feel more free in spending the money that you need to.
Eva: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Makes a lot of sense.
Rhonda: Any other way that I can support you with this question?
Eva: That was my only concern and I feel I’m good.
Rhonda: Yeah. I think a lot of people have a dream, and it’s really easy to keep it a dream because you don’t have the practical experience, so of course, how would you ever have the courage to do it? Yeah?
Rhonda: So, it’s kind of like you got to bite the bullet and kind of go to at least step one.
Eva: Yes, because when is the right time? I mean, now I know when the right time is. I need to be involved in it.
Rhonda: You need to be involved in it because when you’re involved in it, you’re going to see the things that work and don’t work. You’re going to see the underpinnings. You’re going to see the guts of it, so you can go … Don’t allow their company or the way they run their company to influence whether you want to be in the business or not. You’re just going in there for research.
Eva: Yes, exactly.
Rhonda: You’re just a research person. You’re a secret agent. You’re just doing research.
Eva: Yes, and the other thought also that I had in that area was going to the same area, but in the … What do they call that, when you own companies? Franchising. With the franchising it has the same thing that you would be already trained, and this is the cookie cutter, and this is how you do it, da, da, da.
Rhonda: Yeah, but I’m going to tell you that even that, I would invite you to go work for a little while to make sure because a dream is a dream for a reason, and unless you’re willing to do the work necessary to actually get the experience then the dream’s probably not going to work.
Eva: Fair enough. Fair enough.
Rhonda: Because it’s kind of like pie in the sky, and you’re not putting foundations under it.
Rhonda: So, you going to work for a company for a certain length of time, maybe six months, maybe a year, whatever, you set a timeline, and maybe you say six months. Well, after six months, it may end up being a year, you might … To get really a full length of the company maybe six months to a year, and then you say, “Okay. After a year, I’m going to reevaluate. What other skills do I need?” You may find that you need to get a partner then, or you need to get somebody that’s an assistant that’s going to help you start to kind of fill in where maybe you aren’t necessarily skilled.
Eva: Yes, very good. Yeah.
Rhonda: But you’re going to know that.
Eva: It won’t be a dream as much.
Eva: Yeah, more tangible. Yes.
Eva: I like it. I like it. Thank you so much.
Rhonda: You’re welcome, Eva.
Eva: I enjoy everything that you do.
Rhonda: Oh, how kind of you. Thank you, Eva.
Eva: Take care.
Rhonda: How can I support you today?
Dawn Lynn: Hi, Rhonda. I would like to know how I could best coach a Client who’s ready to quit their job, but they don’t have another job in place to quit their job. They’re in a fairly professional position. They have a family to support, but yet, this person is ready to run away to the beach and lay on the beach thinking that that can be a new career for them.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm. Great. Yes, we all have that dream, don’t we?
Dawn Lynn: We do. Well, some of us live it, though.
Rhonda: Yes. Yeah. So, what I invite you to do is … Whenever anybody says, “I want to quit my job,” I tell them straight off, and I’m sure you’ve already done this, it takes six months to a year in order to change careers.
Dawn Lynn: Okay.
Rhonda: I immediately tell them that. Then they get depressed. “Oh, what do you mean? I have to leave now. I can’t take it anymore,” and you get to say, “Well, the next three to six months, we’re going to do two things. One is we’re going to learn the skills we need to do, learn at the job you have now, in order to support you in getting that new job, and two, we’re going to actively pursue, find that thing that you love so that we can actually do that in a very powerful way,” but we don’t want to walk away from this job saying, “It’s not the right one. I hate it. It sucks,” whatever they say, “I’m going to walk out.” The bottom line is if they don’t realize the power and the value this job has given them, they’re not actually going to be able to take the skills along with them in a really powerful way to the next position.
So, I always say this to them. “We’re going to work on two things. One is we’re going to build up what skills you have at this job that you already have right now, and we’re actually going to make it a powerful, powerful place for you to be, and we are going to use this as a skill building opportunity. So, it’s not about work anymore. This is skill building, and we’re going to find all the ways that you can empower yourself, build skills, find out different ways that you can communicate so that at your next job, the things that frustrate you now won’t frustrate you again,” and then I say, “Are you willing to do that?” 99.999% of the time they go, “Yeah. You mean, I can do that?” I go, “Yeah,” because bottom line is it’s about loving the job they’re in now before they get to change their job.
Dawn Lynn: So, they need to learn what skills that the job that they already have is bringing to them that they’re not aware of?
Rhonda: Yes, that’s correct, and what gifts that job has given them. So, what gifts, like gratitudes. I always ask for a hundred gratitudes. I want a hundred gratitudes for the job that you’re in right now. I want a hundred. Then I want them to list the skills that they’ve learned on this job, and not skills like I’ve learned how to be an executive vice president. No. What skills is it? Have you learned to talk on the phone powerfully? Have you learned to negotiate? Have you learned to say no? Have you horned your intuition? Have you learned to employ employees? Have you learned how to do that? Have you learned to coach employees? So, it’s no longer about the job that they’re doing. It’s about the mechanics in place that create the job.
So, it’s about the people and the situations, and do they master those? Have they mastered them? I’ll give you a quick little scenario. I had a Client exactly do this to me. They said, “Oh, I hate this job. Oh, I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to quit.” I told them my thing, and I said, “Do you want this job to choose your destiny, or do you want to take control and master this job so that you can take what you want from it and move on?” They went, “Well, I want to master it, absolutely.” I cannot tell you how many times, Dawn Lynn, that I’ve actually had Clients who have hated their jobs, when I worked with them in this way, building the skills, building their skills inside that job that they have, and showing them how to better communicate, put boundaries in place, that they actually ended up loving their job.
Dawn Lynn: Great.
Rhonda: I mean, I can’t tell you how many.
Dawn Lynn: So, you don’t find the need to send them out to another organization to learn other skills? It’s just the skills within that job?
Rhonda: It’s skills within that job. Let’s say they want to run away to the beach, like you said, and become a painter. Great. Do they paint every day now? Are they painting every day? Well, no. I just know that I’ll like to do it. Well, unless you’re painting every day, I doubt that you know that you’re going to like it on the beach. So, what I’d like you to do is I want you to practice painting every day for the next two weeks, and then in two weeks, we’re going to talk about how it feels to paint every day.
Rhonda: Well, they’re going to come back going, “Well, it’s really hard to paint every day, and I don’t like painting every day. I don’t feel like it.” Well, now we get to, again, put skills in place to support them in what it’s like to build skills. People that want to run away and paint or create and write and those different things, that’s fantastic. That’s a wonderful thing, and they have a dream. They have an illusion of what that’s going to be like, but they don’t have the reality. So, the skills they need in painting for a living are actually the same skills they need in their job.
Dawn Lynn: Right, and it’s that reality part that I’m struggling with approaching, and helping them understand that there’s a reality here, and it’s not that I want to diminish your dream in any way. I don’t. I want to support that.
Rhonda: Yeah. So, what I always go is, “That sounds great, and …” So, I never say, “I don’t want to diminish your …” I don’t give them a speech. I instead say, “Wow. That is great. I totally support you on that, and I want to support you in a powerful way, so let’s get the foundation built under the street, and the foundation is let’s honor where you are now. Let’s create a powerful synergy with what’s going on right now in your life so that we can take all that goodness and move it forward into your dream,” and then we’re going to actually start evaluating, because once they start seeing their skills, and once you start coaching them on their skills, there’s going to be blatant places that they don’t know how to deal with, and that’s why they don’t like their job, and you get to coach them on that. They get to start seeing the transformation, and then they get to reevaluate whether it’s the job or their skills, and most of the time it’s their skills. They don’t have the skills, and they blame the job.
Dawn Lynn: I see. So, then at that point, you might send them to another organization to get those skills. They need data processing skills.
Rhonda: Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Let’s say they want to become that artist, and they’ve never painted before. Great. Not only am I going to help them in the job they’re in now, but I’m also going to send them to art school. I’m going to have them do it with two things at one time. It’s not about one or the other.
Dawn Lynn: Yeah.
Rhonda: Okay? It’s never about one or the other, and they go, “Well, I don’t have the time,” and I go, “Yes, you do. A dream, there is always time, and that’s the whole point, unless you want to choose not making any money and take a year hiatus. That’s great if you have the trust fund. Do you?” “Well, no.” “Well, great. Then how are we going to support our family as well as following your dream? Both things can happen, and yes, it’s going to take a lot out of you the next year, and the next year from now, you’re going to be able to say you’re having the life of your dreams. Are you willing to do that?” “Yes.” “Great.”
Dawn Lynn: So, in building the skills, they are discovering pieces of their jobs then that they like-
Rhonda: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Dawn Lynn: … that they can carry with them to their next career, even if it’s totally different.
Rhonda: Absolutely, because the job isn’t about the job. It’s all about skills, and so what you’re doing is you’re creating a skill base and empowering them in that skill base, and actually clarifying and focusing them on what skills they do have, and what skills they need. Oh, they might want to be the artist, but then if they want to be an artist, they have to also negotiate price. Can they negotiate price in the job they have now? Probably somewhere. They’re probably negotiating somewhere. Well, let’s get really good at it here so that when you walk away and meet artists, you’re not going, “Well, yeah,” because isn’t it hard to negotiate when it’s something you create called your art? So, if you can’t-
Dawn Lynn: I’m not used to asking for money.
Rhonda: Exactly. So, if you can’t negotiate in the job you have now, how in the heck are you going to negotiate with something that you call your baby?
Dawn Lynn: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: So, it’s about that reality check of, great, I just want you to build skills, and here we have this really cool job that even though you hate, it’s going to really help us to build skills.
Dawn Lynn: Great.
Rhonda: Does that make sense?
Dawn Lynn: It does make sense.
Dawn Lynn: Yeah.
Rhonda: Are you complete? Is there anything else?
Dawn Lynn: Rhonda, that empowers me to help my Client, and thank you so much. I’m going to work on assisting them and supporting them, and building their skill base so they can love their job and where they’re at right now-
Dawn Lynn: … and carry those skills on to their next job.
Rhonda: Fabulous. Well, thank you very much.
Dawn Lynn: Thank you, Rhonda.