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00:00:35 Welcome to Master Coach Mindset™. My name is Rhonda Britten, host and Master Life Coach. I’m here to support you in embodying in Season Two the Eight Coaching Skills that I, in the past, have only taught my own Certified Fearless Living Coaches™. Hopefully, you’ve been with me every step of the way here in Season Two because we are now on the Eighth Coaching Skill. In this Season, I’m teaching Eight Coaching Skills that I believe are the foundation, essential key, to being better Coaches. To being the best Coach you can possibly be.
00:01:07 Today, we’re going to wrap up the Eighth Coaching Skill, “Speak to Opportunities and Possibilities.” I’m also going to wrap up this Season. You can look forward to Season Three where I’m going to be answering your questions about coaching: how to build a coaching practice, what does it mean to be a coach, how do you become a coach, any question you have about coaching. I’m going to be answering in Season Three. Be on the lookout for that. Right now we’re in Season Two, Episode Eighteen talking about the Eighth Coaching Skill. Today, we’re going to talk about “Speak to Opportunities and Possibilities and finish Part Two.
00:01:40 The thing that I really want you to really embrace is blue-sky thinking. There was a whole book written on blue-sky thinking. Blue-sky thinking really is just a fancy term for something we’ve been doing for centuries, which is unlimited possibilities. What if you had all the money in the world? What if I had a magic wand? What if everyone would always love you no matter what? What if no one ever rejected you no matter what? This is blue-sky thinking is taking away all obstacles. Most people, when they’re going for their dream, their goal, their intention, are not only having a little possibility thinking but most of the time they’re looking on how to avoid the obstacles. They want to avoid the obstacles.
00:02:19 We’re not interested in that as a Coach. We don’t care about avoiding obstacles. We care about moving our client forward. Obstacles are just opportunities for skill building and tool acquiring. Got to gather those tools, and build those skills, and of course, shift that mindset. That’s all obstacles are there for. I say, bring on the obstacles. We’d never help our client avoid obstacles. We help them move through obstacles. This is what I also know to be true. When you’re having that mindset, when you understand how you process information, etc., obstacles, the things you thought were obstacles, aren’t even obstacles anymore. That’s really where the magic happens.
00:03:01 That takes me back to blue-sky thinking. What’s blue-sky thinking? Magical thinking; if I had a magic wand, if you had all the money in the world, if you had a Ph.D. Anything that would be an obstacle for your client. “Well, what if it didn’t exist?” What if it didn’t exist? Now what? You want to take out all those excuses, all those reasons, all those things that feel really real, and take them out of the equation. Your client can then think clearly, think from a filter of freedom so that they can really make decisions that are right for them. Then, you support them as their coach to move forward toward that dream.
00:03:41 Are they going to get the exact dream that they envision? Probably not. It’s going to be close. It’s going to be different, but it’s going to be in the ballpark. What’s it going to be in the ballpark about? Their feelings, their needs, their wants, their philosophies, their qualities, all these lovely things that really matter. When we’re “Speaking to Opportunities and Possibilities,” I want you to listen to their words, their tone of voice, their pauses, their energy shifts. I want you to be an expert listener because as you listen to them, they’re going to be able to hear themselves. That’s the gift we bring.
00:04:18 Make sure you’re not giving advice. Coach them instead. Don’t tell them what to do. Ask them questions. Some Coaches are Health Coaches or Business Coaches, and … I think the difference between coaching and consulting is consulting is when you’re hiring me to tell you everything I know about how to solve a problem. That’s consulting. I need to solve a problem. I need to triple my income, and I need to hire somebody who is in my business, and has walked this walk before, and can help me solve the problems. Or they’re a Money Coach because they’ve tripled their income. Some Coaches are really more like consultants, telling you, giving you the path. Coaching really evokes and opens up our clients to discover the answers for themselves. Not without guidance, not without our questioning, not without our support. Of course, they need our questioning to inspire them, move them, and motivate them. That’s one of our greatest opportunities. The ultimate is giving them the freedom to be themselves, their true self. That is just a tidbit.
00:05:28 In this Season Two of Master Coach Mindset, when I’m talking about the Eight Coaching Skills, I’m just briefly touching on these. In the Fearless Conversations Workshop™, we go more in depth. We get to practice them. We get to work through them. If this interests you, if this conversation about the Eight Coaching Skills excites you, and you’re going, “Wow, I want to know this better,” then please join me at the Fearless Conversations Workshop. You can find the link over in the show notes. Let me give you a coupon code. Did you see that wink? So that you, as a listening member of Master Coach Mindset, can get it at a savings. You’re already devoted to the work. I want to help you do more of the work. Look for that in the show notes, look for that link, and look for that promo code, so that you can get Fearless Conversations Workshop at a savings. Doesn’t that sound good?
00:06:22 Okay, now let’s just wrap up. I just want to remind you of the Eight Coaching Skills. The things we have talked about in Season Two. Coaching Skill One: “Speak as if They’re Innocent.” “Speak Inclusively,” “Speak to Clarify,” “Speak as if They Can Do It,” “Speak with No Preconceived Notions,” “Speak to Actions Versus Stories,” “Speak to Acknowledge Risk,” and “Speak to Opportunities and Possibilities.” Those are the Eight Coaching Skills that we’ve reviewed here in Season Two.
00:06:48 If you don’t trust yourself to do it, if you don’t feel confident in using these skills, then I encourage you to go and repeat, listen, to the Episodes in Season Two so that you can embody this even more. Go get that transcript and follow along. I think that’s going to be very helpful. I think that’s really helpful. Science shows that when you’re reading as well as listening you embody it more. I’ve created a worksheet just for the Insider Club members so that you can go to that next level of integration.
00:07:17 Season Two is the Eight Coaching Skills that I think are critical to your success as a Coach and for your success with your Clients. Consider which one you want to practice. Remember when I talked about Skill One, “Speak as if They’re Innocent,” that is probably the hardest one of all because that’s coming from a philosophy, a mindset. I really think it’s a spiritual philosophy of seeing innocence in not only ourselves but everyone else. Many of us start seeing our own innocence by seeing it in others. I really encourage you to choose one of these Eight Coaching Skills and start practicing it. Practice one at a time. Don’t think about practicing them all. Just practice one at a time.
00:08:02 “Speak as if They’re Innocent” is hugely important, and as critical to the foundation of everything. You might not be ready for that one. I don’t care where you start. An “easy” one is to acknowledge risk. Start there. Or “Speak to Clarify.” I bet you’re already pretty good at that. That Episode about “Speak to Clarify,” I believe there are Two Episodes on that, are going to support you in going deeper with “Speaking to Clarify,” to go to the next level of it. Start with “Speak to Clarify,” “Speak to Acknowledge Risk.” These are good ones to begin with because it proves really concretely. Right away, you’re going to get the response from your Clients immediately about the changes they’ve experienced. If you’re not sure where to begin, begin with one of those. If you feel like you go, “I know a lot of these. I’ve been doing a lot of these,” great, then start with number one, “Speak as if They’re Innocent,” and see how innocent you not only see your clients but you see yourself.
00:09:05 I want to hear from you. Go on over to MasterCoachMindset.com, and click the Contact Us page, and tell me what you think of this Season. I want to hear from you. I want to hear how this has impacted your coaching practice as well as your life. How has it impacted your family relationships, your friends, your partners? I want to hear from you. Go to the Contact Us page, put in that email, and write, “This is what I’ve been getting from Master Coach Mindset.” What’s the number one question I want to ask you? What’s the one thing, what’s the main thing, you’ve received from listening or watching these podcasts? I want to hear from you. It helps me know what you’re getting. It helps me know what you’re learning, and it helps me prepare for the next Season of Master Coach Mindset.
00:09:53 QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Let me answer the question of the day. This is a good one. “Rhonda, do you ever feel lost or confused like your Client is meandering and you have no idea what they really want?” Let me read that one again. Rhonda, do you ever feel lost or confused, like your client is meandering and you have no idea what they really want? What do you do?
00:10:24 Well we’ve already talked about open-ended and closed-ended questions. If you haven’t listened to that Episode, I’ll make sure I put that in the show notes about which Episode that is. You definitely want to go and listen to the benefits of closed-ended questions. When your Client is confused or meandering and not sure what they want, closed-ended questions are going to support you in narrowing it down, helping them narrow it down, to help them decide what they want, to help them know what they want.
00:10:51 The other thing I want to talk about is lost and confused. Your Client may not know what they want. Your Client might be in what I call “the dark night of the soul.” Your Client might be in that place of renewed discovery. They don’t know who they are anymore. What they’ve done in the past, or who they’ve done in the past is not where they want to go. Not that they want to get rid of that person, or get rid of that job, or get rid of that family, but they know there’s something monumentally different.
00:11:19 Lost and confused is not necessarily a bad thing. It may be where your Client is. Don’t force your Client to get on board with a goal, and get on board with an intention, and get on board with a dream. That may not be why they’re getting coaching. They may be getting coaching because in order to accept where they are, that they do feel lost and confused, that they do want to reevaluate their life, that what’s been working doesn’t work anymore, even though it looks like it’s working. You’ve got to allow that person to have their process about transformational change.
00:11:54 Quick story about my dark night of the soul. This happened to me, lost and confused. I think the difference was, is that I had been in this place enough times, and I also had coached enough people in this same feeling, that when I felt lost and confused about my life, I wasn’t scared. I knew that this was a good thing. That’s one of the things that you must give to your Clients. You must give them reassurance that this lost and confused place is a good thing, and then allowing themselves to be here for a little while, to not focus on the known, and know what’s going on. It really is going to break their habit of wanting to control everything. People who cannot tolerate feeling lost and confused also cannot tolerate the unknown.
00:12:46 This is what I say about freedom. Freedom equals our capacity to live in the unknown. Let me repeat that again. Freedom equals our capacity to live in the unknown. Yes, Rhonda Britten. Freedom is only the unknown. Your comfortableness with the unknown. If a Client is lost and confused, that might be your charge right now is to support them in knowing that … Asking them questions about, “How comfortable are you with not knowing what you’re going to do next, or not knowing what’s going to happen, or not being in control of your future?” If they say, on a scale from 1 to 10, they say, “10, it’s not okay.” Then you know that’s exactly what they need to do.
00:13:26 Control. We all want control. It makes us feel powerful and empowered. Yet, control, for the sake of control, is really fear based. Lost and confused. You can ask closed-ended questions to help get them focused because that’s what closed-ended questions do is focus our clients. On the other hand, lost and confused might be the greatest spiritual journey they’ve ever been on. Your opportunity is to walk that journey with them.
00:13:56 Just like me, when my dark night of the soul hit, and my life was good, there was nothing wrong with my life, but it felt like, for me, that just the rug pulled out from me. It wasn’t that my life was horrible or terrible. It’s just that the life I was living; I knew that it wasn’t the life I was meant to live anymore. The way I was living it. I actually allowed myself, and this is what I invite you to do with your Clients if they’re feeling lost and confused, and you use those closed-ended questions, and you really start understanding that this is a place they need to be, not to get them to focus on something. For me, it was really a willingness to let go of anything that I’ve identified as myself.
00:14:46 On paper, not in reality, but on paper, I dismantled my business. On paper, I dismantled my relationships. On paper, I told myself I never have to speak again, teach again, write again, be on TV again, fall in love again. What if I didn’t have to do any of that? What if I didn’t want to do any of that? What do I really want to do? I had to strip away the identity of who I thought I was and who I had become in order to have a blank slate so I could choose again. So I could choose again.
00:15:19 Is this hard for some of your Clients? Yes. They have families. They have jobs. They have obligations, responsibilities. It is going to be frightening to them. That’s why we will hold their hand. That’s why we let them know it’s okay. That’s why we ask them questions about what they really want. That’s why we help them break apart their identity, so they can create a new version of themselves. A version that’s more in alignment of who they truly are and where they truly want to go.
00:15:46 During this time, I told myself I don’t have to coach again. I actually told myself, I’m going to shut down Fearless Living®. I sat with it. I didn’t do it right away. I just allowed myself to contemplate that maybe Fearless Living is no longer what I’m meant to do. Doing the spiritual work during this process, I did trauma work, spiritual work, I worked with a shaman, you name it I did it. I love trauma work by the way, and it allowed me to accept my life at a deeper level. It allowed me to accept where I’d been, what had happened to me, the results I’ve achieved and not achieved, and find a new level of peace with what was really happening. Who I really was and what I’d really done or not done.
00:16:41 I think lost and confused, sure, if they’re meandering, you can ask them closed-ended questions to help focus them, but there might be something bigger going on. That’s the privilege we have as Coaches. We get to help our Clients move through the things that scare them. The things they don’t have any awareness of because people usually try to hang on to the shore that they know rather than let go to discover a new shore. They will be fighting for their life, for the old way of being. You, through these Eight Skills, Eight Coaching Skills, get to reassure them, get to support them, get to help them see their process so that they can choose again, something larger, something bigger, something more true.
00:17:26 Dark night of the soul, I say, bring it on. Lost and confused, we’re all going there some time. Thank God, thank goodness, thank the Lord, that they have you holding their hand as they’re going through this process. You might have to identify it for them. You might have to say, “Well, you might be going through a dark night of the soul. You might be having a spiritual crisis. You might be having a spiritual reawakening.” Something else deeper is going on.
00:17:55 How much can you control? How much do you need to be in control of your life? How can you live in the unknown? Like I said earlier, freedom, to me, freedom equals our capacity to live in the unknown. If I have to know my view of my life and the decisions I make have to be very narrow because it can only be in the box I already know. I don’t know about you, but I want to live a life that’s bigger than my box, and I want our Clients, my Clients, and your Clients, to live bigger than their box.
00:18:23 The question: “Do you ever feel lost or confused like your client is meandering and you have no idea what they really want? What do you do?” Yeah, sure, ask closed-ended questions. If they’re still confused and still lost, ask them, “Is it okay to be lost? Is it okay to be confused?” If they say no, you know you have some spiritual work to do, some acceptance work to do, probably some forgiving work to do, and some letting go work to do. Then, you get to rebuild.
00:18:52 Have them dismantle their life on paper. Have them dismantle who they think they are. Have them say, “Well, what if I wasn’t a parent?”, or, “What if I’m not married?”, or, “What if I don’t work this job?”, and, “What if I don’t wear blue?” What if. What if.
00:19:08 I highly encourage you, if you have not already listened to all of the Episodes, Eighteen Episodes, in Season Two, is to go back and listen to them again, and again, and again. This is some of the work that I bring to the coaching industry that no one else does. This is something that I created out of my own challenge with something called coaching, as well as the own challenges of my own life. What did I need? What did my Clients need? This has been created over 23 years, decades, of coaching. Use me. Take advantage of it. Listen. Of course, become a member of Master Coach Mindset Insiders Club, so you get those worksheets, and transcripts, and more.
00:19:55 I cannot wait to see you in Season Three. Remember, go to MasterCoachMindset.com, ask me your questions. Down on the bottom of the page, you can hit Voice Record. On that voice record, you can actually share what’s the number one thing you’ve gotten out of Master Coach Mindset, as well as you can share the question you have for Season Three. Go on over to iTunes and subscribe and review Master Coach Mindset. That is the number one way that we’re found on iTunes is by you saying, “I want to subscribe,” and leaving a review. When you subscribe and review, iTunes says, “Hm, this must be valid.” “Hm. This must be an important podcast.” “Hm, I’ll let more people see it.” More exposure to these tools are going to make us better Coaches, better therapists, better parents, etc.
00:20:45 Go ahead and make sure you share this podcast on your Facebook, on your Twitter, on any social media you have. Go to iTunes and subscribe and review. Then more people are going to become fearless. More people are going to have coaching skills under the belt, so we’ll be better communicators. When we’re better communicators, our life gets a whole lot easier, and a whole lot happier, and a whole lot more at peace. With that, I look forward to seeing you in Season Three, look forward to seeing you in the Insiders Club, and at Fearless Conversations Workshop.
Until then, Be Fearless.