Are you meant to be a life coach?

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00:00:40 Hi, Rhonda Britten here, and welcome to season two of Master Coach Mindset™. We are in episode one, and I am so excited for this season because we’re going to be talking about coaching skills. I know, right? In season one, we talked about the Master Coach Manifesto and what is the mindset, kind of like the foundation in which you need to be growing inside of in order to become the best Coach you can be, and this season, we’re going to be talking about coaching skills.

00:01:10
Now, coaching skills are very different than asking questions. As Coaches, we ask questions. That’s our number one job is to ask questions. What’s what we do, but coaching skills, what I call the art of coaching is beyond questions. It’s the how, it’s the attitude. It is literally the mindset in which you enter a Session.

00:01:30

Now, I think that everybody who becomes a Coach thinks, “Well, I try, I really care about people, and I really try to help people, and I believe in people,” and all of that is good. It’s all good, but what I discovered through coaching and training Coaches for the last 15+ years, almost, gosh, 18 years, there’s a big difference between asking a question and having the grounded reality and the mindset in which you need to ask that question.

00:02:02 This is why the Eight Coaching Skills came into effect. I just noticed that teaching my Coaches how to ask questions or what questions to ask when was really ineffective. It didn’t build their confidence. It didn’t make them Master Coaches. It made them mediocre Coaches, maybe even good Coaches sometimes. Maybe they knew what to ask, but not how to ask or when to ask. That’s what we’re going to be talking about in season two of Master Coach Mindset because we’re going to be talking about fearless conversations because let’s face it, do you need to be a better communicator? Yeah. We all need to be the best communicator we could be because we all communicate every single day to everyone we talk to.

00:02:48 The fact is, is me asking you a question might elicit a response, might elicit aha or an insight, but an insight and an aha is not going to change your life. It might be inspirational in a moment. It might be even motivational for a few days, but an aha and an insight does not change our life. It makes us feel good, but it is the attitude in which we do it, it is the art of the coaching. It is how, how we support our Clients to do their homework. It’s how we support them to move past their fears. It’s how we walk into every Session feeling impactful and empowered.

00:03:23 When you do the Eight Coaching Skills that I’m going to be sharing with you today, confidence, confidence, you will feel confident in your ability to stand for someone, and you will feel confident in your coaching, and you will know how to move somebody from “I want it, but I’m not doing it” to “not only do I want it, but I’m doing it” because as I shared in season one of Master Coach Mindset, the number one question that I get from Coaches is, “how do you get them to do their homework.”

00:03:55 That, ultimately, if you have a difficult time getting your Clients to do their homework, you need the art of coaching because asking “perfect questions”, asking that perfect question is not going to get your Clients to get to do their homework. It’s going to give them an insight. Like I said, it’s going to give them an aha, but it is not going to get them motivated and moving towards doing that homework. It is not going to ground them in their ultimate reality and where you want them to go.

00:04:18 In season two of Master Coach Mindset, we’re going to be talking about the Eight Coaching Skills. Now, before we get there … We’re going to go through each one individually, but before we get there, I need to tell you the Eight Coaching Skills so you understand where we’re going to be going through season two.

00:04:36 Now, warning, warning, warning. I know when I read these coaching skills, you’re going to be like, “Well, yeah, duh. Of course. I do that already.” I get you think you do it. I thought I did it. I thought I could do these, but really, it is an art form, a discernment in order to actually “do it rote” or actually embody it in your own spirit, integrate it in your own being to actually live it. That’s what we want to do here inside fearless conversations, inside Master Coach Mindset.

00:05:10 First of all, I’m going to read the Eight Coaching Skills that we’re going to be going through over this season, and then throughout the season, I’m going to be answering your questions, I’m going to be sharing tips, and I’m also going to be sharing some tools that I use to keep myself centered, to keep myself on track for a Session. Do you ever find yourself off track? Do you ever find yourself like, ” Where am I? What am I doing? What’s happening?” Yeah, I know. I’m going to give you some tools throughout this season to help you with that as well.

00:05:37 You’re in the right place if you want to have more confidence in your coaching, you want to make a bigger impact, you want to have more influence, and yeah, ultimately make more money, but you’re not necessarily doing it for the money, even though that is a result. You’re doing it so you can be the best most masterful Coach you can be. If that’s your intention, you’re in the right place.

00:05:57 Let me go through the Eight Coaching Skills with you now, and it starts off with the word “speak as,” so each one is “speak as” or “speak inclusively” or “speak to.” We start off with “speak”. The reason we do that is when you open your mouth, you actually want, like I said, to be living in intention. You want to be living these Eight Coaching Skills. Let me just read them, see what you think.

00:06:24

Oh, by the way, this is actually the first time that I’m sharing these publicly before I only share them with my Fearless Living® Life Coach Certification Program™. Only my Coaches knew how to do this. Oh, before I even share them, one of my Coaches went to a … Many of my Coaches have gone to other certification programs to get additional training, or they went to certification programs before they came to mine, and one of my Coaches this last year went to get a communication certificate to deepen her communication skills, and in the small groups that they were practicing in, she said, “People, they knew what questions to ask, but they didn’t know how to ask them, and they didn’t know how to get people to do things,” and it was so fascinating because the teacher kept saying, “You can’t just repeat these questions rote. You actually have to live them, embody them.”

00:07:12 What she didn’t teach are these Eight Coaching Skills. My Coach, who went to this other certification program, just kept on saying how nobody could Coach, like they didn’t know how to actually Coach. They knew how to ask questions, but they didn’t actually know how to move people from one state of being to another, from one reality to another. That’s where we want to go.

00:07:36 Let me read the Eight Coaching Skills. Number One: Speak as if they are innocent. Just breathe that in. Speak as if they are innocent. I know that most of my life, I thought I was nonjudgmental. I thought, “Well, of course, I speak as if they’re innocent.” I mean, if I would’ve read that one or somebody said that to me, I was like, “Oh, I totally do that.” The language in which we use, which we’ll be talking about in this season, will help you start seeing where you’re actually subtly judging, shaming, and blaming the Client, so be open-hearted and open-minded for the “speak as if they’re innocent” because our judgment, our opinions, our beliefs, our own ethics just leak out everywhere, and so we want to be able to serve the Client, not be comfortable as Coaches, like only work with Clients that are just like us.

00:08:40 We actually will never have a Client that’s just like us. They’re going to believe things we don’t believe or want things that we don’t agree with. How do we coach them? Well, speak as if they’re innocent is the key, the foundation of all of the coaching skills.

00:08:54 If you do not see your Clients’ innocence, and again, we’re going to talk about this in one whole Session inside season two of Master Coach Mindset, if you’re not able to do that, you’re not doing the foundational, the number one thing you need to do as a Coach. The number one thing to do is create a safe space for Client to change their life.

00:09:30 Number two … That’s number one, speak as if they’re innocent. Number Two: Speak inclusively. We’re going to be talking about that in upcoming episode. Number Three: Speak to clarify. Now, this one is probably the one you’re most familiar with because we’re taught to, oh, clarify, clarify, clarify, clarify. Well, I’m going to teach you some skills about clarification that may expand what you think clarification is.

00:09:37 Number Four: Speak as if they can do it. Speak as if they can do it. My cat is sneezing right now. I don’t know if you can hear it. Her, hear her. She is literally having a sneezing fit right now. Jezebel, yeah? What are you sneezing about? She’s got a little cold. We’re just go love on her and see her innocence, right, and speak inclusively and… just gonna love on her and see her innocence and speak inclusively and speak to clarify. Speak to clarify, number three, is probably the thing that you’re taught the most. Oh, see, she wants to come up and join us. This is my cat. She wants to be the center of attention. Hm. Yes.

00:10:17 Number Four: Speak as if they can do it. Speak as if they can do it. Now, the challenge here is that most Coaches don’t know the difference between “speak if they can do it,” and fake cheerleading. Like, “Yeah, you can do it!” That’s not what we do here at Fearless Living. That’s not what a Master Coach does, but we’re gonna talk about that in an upcoming episode.

00:10:37 Number Five: Speak with no preconceived notions. That is actually very difficult, to act like you know nothing, to be in a clear space, to really be open and available to anything occurring in the Session. Usually what happens to most of us, because we like to be in control, we like to be perfect, we like to be people pleasers, we’re actually walking in with a lot of preconceived notions that we don’t even know we’re doing. Speak to preconceived notions, again, in a Session coming up here in season two.

Number Six: Speak to actions versus stories. How many times do you want to interrupt a Client, and that Client you just can’t interrupt. How do you interrupt gracefully? What is a story versus an action? We’re going to be breaking that down in season two of Master Coach Mindset too.

Number Seven: Speak to acknowledge risk. This is one of the things that Fearless Living is fanatical about. I mean, we’re fanatical about all Eight Coaching Skills, but this one we actually start our Sessions with speaking to acknowledge risk. If you have not downloaded the Fearbuster Coaching™ Toolkit on the homepage of Master Coach Mindset, go ahead and do that now because you’re actually going to learn how to do this effectively and impactfully at the start of your Session. Speak to acknowledge risk, again, we all acknowledge, acknowledge, acknowledge, but again, it’s not fake cheerleading. We want to actually acknowledge a risk in ways that I bet you’d never thought of a risk before.

00:10:30

00:11:10

00:11:25
00:12:06 Number Eight: Speak to possibilities and opportunities. How do we vision? How do we brainstorm? Again, you probably do this naturally with your Client, and we want to go deeper, and we want you to know how to do it masterfully.

00:12:22

Those are the Eight Coaching Skills that we’re going to be reviewing in season two of Master Coach Mindset. Just quickly, again, speak as if they’re innocent, speak inclusively, speak to clarify, speak as if they can do it, speak with no preconceived notions, speak to actions versus stories, speak to acknowledge risk, and speak to opportunities and possibilities.

00:12:42 Like I said earlier, I know for me, if I heard those, I’d be like, “Oh, yeah. I do that. Yup. Do that. Yeah, do that.” What I’ve noticed time and time again when people come to Fearless Conversations where I teach the Eight Coaching Skills and where they practice the Eight Coaching Skills is that Coaches think they know how to do this, but in fact, they find out very quickly that they can name it, but they actually don’t live it. This is what we’re going to be doing in season two of Master Coach Mindset.

00:13:14 I am so excited, and like I said, it is the first time that I’m going to be teaching this beyond my own Life Coach Certification Program™, my own Certified Fearless Living Coaches™ . I’m super excited to be sharing this with you. Let’s talk about a couple things right now and just answer the question, why learn coaching skills? Like why … I’m, got a hair of my cat on my face, so I’m just going, “Wait, why is my cat on my … ” Yes. Yes. This is happening right now. Yes. This is happening right now. She is insisting on being part of this episode. Well, welcome to season two of Master Coach Mindset.

00:13:53 Why learn coaching skills? Why learn coaching skills? Well, this is why you want to learn coaching skills, and this is actually whether you’re a Coach, whether you’re a consultant, whether you’re a parent, whether you’re a manager, a human resource director, a therapist, et cetera, why learn coaching skills? It’s because with coaching skills, there’s natural mutual respect. You must mutually respect each other; otherwise, the coaching will be ineffective and not impactful.

00:14:20 Mutual respect is critical to the coaching process. Why learn coaching skills? Because your Client starts trusting themselves. I think actually that’s one of the greatest gifts that we give our Clients is the ability to trust themselves again. That’s the thing I see over and over with my Clients is they don’t trust themselves. They want to make the right choice. They want to make the perfect choice. They want to make the choice that’s going to get them the result they want with as little effort as possible and make it easy and do all that, and they don’t trust that they can make that decision or that choice.

00:14:53 In coaching, not only do we trust the Client to make the decision that’s right for them, we also learn to trust ourselves in our coaching. Do you trust your coaching? This is why we learn coaching skills. Those Eight Coaching Skills are the foundation of everything, and not just questions because then inside of that, we learn to trust ourselves.

00:15:18 I mean, imagine when you’re in a coaching Session, just imagine for a minute that you’re in a coaching Session, and a Client brings up something that triggers you or you don’t agree with or you have a problem with, and you are able to be really clear, what’s their stuff, what’s your stuff, trust your coaching, trust your intuition, trust where you’re meant and where you’re moved to take the Client because the relationship with the Client, on one hand, the Client leads, and one hand, you lead. It is a mutual relationship. That’s why we talk about speak inclusively.

00:15:55 Most coaching programs say, “Oh, the Client leads.” Yes, yes. The Client is the leader, yes, yes, and there are times that you lead in order to move them nudging them forward. If you only let the Client lead, you would only take them places that they were comfortable. Well, that’s ineffective, isn’t it? Aren’t they hiring you to get out of their “comfort zone” and move into what we call Stretch, Risk, and Die zone? There’s a little difficulty with that, and I think that does a mind mess-up for Coaches is because they think, “Oh, my god. I’m leading the Client. Oh, my god, I’m the leader.” We’re going to talk about that in season two.

00:16:38 Trust is more likely to occur for yourself and for the Client. People, your Clients, and the people that they talk to that you’re going to be doing role plays with so that they know how to communicate impactfully and powerfully are going to be heard, are going to be heard. Your Clients are going to learn to listen, and by the way, so are you.

00:17:00

I think Coaches feel and believe that they’re naturally great listeners. When do you listen, and when do you interrupt? When do you listen, and when do interrupt? When do you shift the Client? When do you let them keep talking, and when do you shift them? Again, something that we’re going to be working on in season two of Master Coach Mindset.

00:17:26 The Client, your Client, the person in front of you is going to be heard and valued, and that’s why we learn coaching skills. Misconceptions are cleared up very easily. When you learn coaching skills, you’re not afraid to ask questions, you’re not afraid of being told no. You do not get insulted or feel people are rude with boundaries. You really are clear what’s theirs, what’s yours. You have full permission to speak up and do what you need to do, and that other person has full permission to do what they need to do and speak up.

00:17:58 I find so often that my Clients are afraid to ask the question that they really want the answer to or they dance around the question, they dance around what they want because they don’t want to hurt the other person or they don’t want to make the other feel uncomfortable. Why learn coaching skills? Because you’re going to learn how to speak up. You’re going to learn how to say what you need to, and you’re going to learn how to say no, and you’re going to learn what’s true for you so misconceptions are cleared up, and you can actually have clear communication.

00:18:28 What did I say at the beginning of this episode? Communication. We all do it every single day. Why do you want to become better at it? Because most issues, most problems, most conflict, most upset, most heartbreak is miscommunication. Think about that. Think about that, that most upset, most hurt, most pain, most suffering is caused by the way our Clients see the world, and it’s our suffering and how we see the world.

00:19:01 We want to clear up those misconceptions so they actually have freedom to choose. With misconceptions, they’re making choices based on false premises, and so one of the reasons the Eight Coaching Skills are so effective is that they can make clear choices.

00:19:15 Lastly, we can help educate, support, coach, guide, whatever word you want to use to help Clients solve their own problems. I always say that I want to help my Clients, support my Clients, move my Clients so they don’t need me anymore. I want them to be experts at communicating and experts at where they want to go and what they want to do. I want to help them be able to solve their own problems. I don’t want to create. I don’t want to create, “Oh, my god. I gotta talk to my Coach. I don’t know what to do.”

00:19:47 Now, in the beginning, do your Clients need you? Yeah. Your job is not to court that neediness, court that need so that you feel abundant because they need you, and you’re going to hire … Right? Like a package ends. What do most Coaches, like, “Are they going to work? Are they going to-” Right? What do most Coaches like … “Are they going to work? Are they going to hire me again? Oh my God, I need to pay my rent, I need to pay my next month. Oh my God, I want to build this, I want to build my second hour. I want to pay my car.” Wherever you are on the success rate of coaching. None of that conversation is true. You don’t care about that at all. You really put your Clients first.

00:20:21 Again, I understand that you believe you do. I know that I believed I did. When I really started doing the work of Fearless Conversations to get the Eight Coaching Skills, I really started seeing how I was subtly, subtly, very unconsciously creating that dependency between me and my Clients. I want to support my Client in feeling empowered and feeling like they can make a decision and know how to act on that decision. The scary ones, for sure. That’s why we learn coaching skills.

00:20:55 What’s a Fearless Conversation? I’m going to read a quote from me: ” Coaching is a collaborative process in which the Coach is invested in the optimal,” key word, “optimal,” “optimal success of the Client, yet the Client takes full responsibility for their choices, their attitudes, and their behavior.” It’s a collaborative process. You need to become the best Coach you can be in order to serve your Clients, so they can be the best they can be.

00:21:25 I feel like that’s our job. I know it’s my job. My job is not to be okay with the status quo of my own growth and transformation. My job is to continuously grow, so that I become conscious and awake about where my edges are, where my fears are, where my suffering is, where my inadequacy pops up. All the places that I’m triggered and don’t feel like I’m enough. I want to grow. I want to keep growing.

00:22:00

00:22:16
We talked about this in season one of Master Coach Mindset, all about how growth
is critical to success as a Coach. That’s Fearless Conversations. We’re just starting. We’re only on episode one of season two of Master Coach Mindset.

Next time, we’re going to be talking about something I call dirty coaching. Yes, dirty coaching. That’s right, we’re going to talk about dirty coaching. We’re going to talk about coaching and psychotherapy, so you’re going to start seeing maybe the difference, and then, of course, we’re going to be moving into the Eight Coaching Skills and breaking them down one by one, so you can actually implement them in your practice. Of course, if you need support and you want my guidance in that, you can always show up at a Fearless Conversations Workshop, and we will work those Eight Coaching Skills together. I love working with Coaches.

00:22:49 QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Let’s get to the question of the day, the Coach question of the day. The question that I’m going to be answering today is: “Do Sessions often start off rocky and confusing with new Clients? How about regular Clients?” I’m going to read that again. This is the question of the day. “Do Sessions often start off rocky and confusing with new Clients? How about regular Clients?”

00:23:24 The answer is no. My Sessions do not start off rocky and confusing with new Clients, and I really do believe it’s because I use the Eight Coaching Skills. I’m willing to ask the questions that need to be asked, and I think confusion comes because we’re not either willing to ask, or the Client doesn’t know how to answer when we do ask, and we don’t have the skill to help them answer.

00:23:49

I also think it’s our ability to identify confusion. Again, I see it over and over with Coaches, is that a Client’s confused, and the Coach feels like, “Well, I don’t want to push them. I don’t want to push them past. They’re just confused, and that’s okay.” Now, that’s different than letting your Client consciously sit in confusion because you are hoping for a breakthrough, right? You’re looking for them to have a breakthrough, and you want to keep them kind of in confusion to actually increase suffering. I know that sounds crazy, but we’ll talk about that as well in season two of Master Coach Mindset.

00:24:26 That’s a conscious choice as the Coach. I’m talking about the unconscious choice that we make. If your Sessions start off rocky, then I would say that you need support in how to open a Session. I’m going to send you back you know where, to MasterCoachMindset.com to go get the Fearbuster Coaching™ Toolkit on how to start a Session.

00:24:28 Your Sessions should be empowering, impactful, confident, vulnerable, open, exciting. The Client, in the first five minutes, should know you’re right with them, even I would dare say in the first minute. The Client knows and starts relaxing right away. If you’re having rocky and confusing Sessions or in the beginning of each Session with your Client, it’s because you probably didn’t end the previous Session impactfully and powerfully, maybe not clear on the homework, and you’re not sure how to start a Session in a particular way to help the Client feel safe and secure.

00:25:24 If you are confused, if the Client’s confused, if it feels rocky, then you just know your Client’s scared, and you use the skills that we’re going to be talking about in season two of Master Coach Mindset. Does this make sense? If you’re continuously, let me repeat, if you’re continuously having rocky and confusing experiences with your Client, and that’s not okay with you, then you know you’re judging, and we’re going to work on innocence. If they’re rocky and confusing with new Clients and/or current Clients, then that means that you’re not sure how to open a Session to create clarity right away. And again, you may be closing the Session in a way that doesn’t create clarity and create empowerment and support for your Client.

00:26:18 No, the answer to “Do Sessions often start off rocky and confusing with new Clients? How about regular Clients?” The answer is no. That’s just not true for me, and I’d like it not to be true for you as well. Got it?

00:26:30 So, this is what we’re going to be talking about in season two of Master Coach Mindset. We are going to be talking about the Eight Coaching Skills that I deem as the art of coaching. We’re going to be talking about some of the tools that I use in order to impact my Clients and myself to get myself clear and steady and in my body and integrated and aligned in order to work with my Clients powerfully. We’re going to be going through some questions that I ask in every stage, in every coaching skill. I’m going to be sharing some questions. And, of course, we’re going to be talking about the difference between coaching and psychotherapy and just the whole attitude and mindset of a coaching Session in season two of Master Coach Mindset.

00:27:13 If this intrigues you, if this interests you, if you want to know more, then meet me right here every week at MasterCoachMindset.com or over at iTunes or we’re on Spotify, so that you can get these skills into your being.

00:27:29

The other thing I want to remind you of, if this is maybe the first time you’ve come, is we also have a Master Coach Mindset Insiders Club, where I actually create a handout, each handout’s different, for my members. You also get the video, the audio. You get a full transcript, my highlighted transcript, so you know what I deem is important, and, of course, the worksheet, so that you can be doing and embodying and aligning every single Session inside your being. Okay?

00:27:58 This is your opportunity to join Master Coach Mindset Insiders’ Club. Go ahead and go to MasterCoachMindset.com. You’re going to see Membership on the top right. If you already are a member, you’re going to see, “Log in.” If you’re not a member, it’s going to take you to a page to describe all the benefits of becoming a member. With that, I look forward to seeing you next week at MasterCoachMindset.com, as well as at Fearless Conversations Workshop and inside the Insiders’ Club.

Until next time, this is Rhonda Britten, sending you so much love and, of course, Be Fearless.